In case you've been wondering,

The past year has been really hard on me. By far, the hardest year of my (short) 28 years of life. There have been some major life changes in living arrangements, relationships, family, and jobs -- in addition to my ongoing health battles. With that said, I'm saying it out loud for the world to hear today...

I have been really unhappy. 

This comes in waves, I guess, impacting various facets of my life.

1.  I've gained some unwelcome weight. Those of you who have known me for a while know that I've always struggled with being a thicker female. Since I was young, I've been one of the "bigger boned" girls. I was never bullied, I've always had friends, boyfriends, etc., but I've definitely always been self-conscious about what I wear and eat. But now... I'm bigger than I used to be. I'm bigger than I want to be. I'm finally at the point where I know I need to do something about it, and I'm finally going to.
• This comes with a lot of question marks for me, because I'm not sure how to go about everything to start. I hate admitting this, but I am limited because of my Psoriasis. Every day tasks (opening jars, carrying heavy things) are difficult for me, so I know that limits my scope of exercise.
• I asked my mom/Santa for a Planet Fitness membership for Christmas this year.
• I bought a Fitbit on Black Friday so I can have a better grasp on how much I'm moving, sleeping, etc.
• I'm also kind of naive (is that a good word?) when it comes to the meal planning/eating portion of it. I'm not interested in paying money to have someone be my weight-loss coach or anything like that, but I do want to make sure I'm staying accountable. Thankfully, I've got some great friends that are trying to start with the same goals.
• I started easy by going grocery shopping for healthier options for meals. I got everything below (+ some) for about $100. That included 4 bags of salad, 2 lbs green beans, 4 lbs broccoli, 2 lbs brussel sprouts, 2 avocados, 5 bell peppers, and more.
  
• I'm working diligently to increase my water intake.
• My friend/coworker who teaches FACS and is an avid healthy eater/athlete has offered to help make me a "guide" for meals.
• I can track my food/water intake on my Fitbit app also!
2. When it comes to mental health, I am no stranger to having to "get through it." My Psoriasis exacerbates an already existing struggle with depression All around, to put it frankly, some days are just shittier than others. This has led to some unhealthy habits in terms of taking care of myself.
•   I have not been taking care of my Psoriasis/skin the way I should be. I've struggled with taking my medication every day for probably the past 10 months. It definitely makes things harder, not only physically, but mentally too.
• I have resolved to change this about myself. I've set alarms on my phone and asked friends to keep my accountable.
• I haven't been taking enough time for myself, to really do the things I love. While I LOVE the Chiefs and go to their games, that's really the ONLY thing I've actually been taking the time out of life to do for myself. I haven't scrapbooked at all other than my Goddaughter's baby book. I don't go out much. I hardly see my friends.
• I am forcing myself to take one night a week to read a book, scrapbook some photos, thrift shop, BLOG (!!!!), or grab a coffee with a friend.
• I'm currently planning a trip with one of my oldest and dearest friends. I'm looking forward to taking a "breather" from life.

I'm not 100% sure why I'm writing this all out here when I haven't updated this blog in a long time. Maybe that's why. Maybe to explain myself. Maybe because I just needed to write it out so I would continue believing myself. I'm not really sure.

All I know is I've set some goals, and while I'm going to keep the specificity of them to myself for now, I'm very anxious and determined to meet them. Thanks for always having my back friends.

With love,
Kimberly